mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
