youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
They have beer where we have blood.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You were trust falling into bushes
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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