My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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