Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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