I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize