i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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