i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
