im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
