is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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