dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
