i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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