do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
In other news, I just burned my penis
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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