I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
