life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
