I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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