wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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