if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize