My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
im on a boat
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