he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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