I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
