I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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