ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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