drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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