I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
