I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
