also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
