I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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