I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize