I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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