Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So here I am, sexting at work.
And then he peed in my hair
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