I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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