I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think my nap took me to another dimension
COCAINE IS GR8
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
