Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
