god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
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