Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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