I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize