3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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