I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Your dad touched me again.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
