His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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