i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
