I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
