I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
