A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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