I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
