ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
