Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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