I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
