Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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