also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
my liver is dry heaving
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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