Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
