We won't sleep together?
Can Purell be used as lube?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
