I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
