just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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