It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
