I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
