I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
