I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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