the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
