D3 body, D1 cock
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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