He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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