I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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