I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I am naked and annoyed.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
