No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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