who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize