Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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