I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
