I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
