I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
