She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
True strength comes from lack of pants
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
