tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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