just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
