i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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