For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
