Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
