bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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