Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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